Blogging, Attention Seeking and Cyber Bullying.

Dear December,

I haven't blogged for quite sometime now. What brought me back to you was a presentation my classmate did the other day about her spending her leisure time, which typically was spent on blogging. As she talked about the goods and bads of blogging, it came to mind mind that "you know what?I haven't been blogging much these days. I never did." Most bloggers would have much to say, hence the creation of the online diary. However, i kinda wondered whether i really wanted to or needed to have my own blogger account. Sure i like writing. Sure i like to talk about my life. But do i really have anything to talk about? Which brings me to my other classmates question on whether blogging is considered to be a way to get attention from people by posting about your personal life. Well, the question was really based on the person's opinion so there weren't any rights or wrongs. It's 100% your own to think about (with the presenter defending aggressively when asked). Personally, i never really thought about this question. Not until it was brought up that is. At times, i do feel that bloggers are attention whores. I really do think that people use blogging as a way to make them somewhat popular in the cyber world i guess. Perhaps they feel lonely in real life??I don't know. That's really just my opinion. I wouldn't lie and say that i don't do the same. I do. But not all the time. Sometimes you need to talk to people. You wan't people to listen to you. It's a way of venting out. Back to the question of being a blogger whore, is it really that way? Partially true. Depending on what the blogger ever really talks about. Some bloggers like to post stuff not related to their lives at all. Some post only about themselves. If there's 1000 posts, that 1000 will be all about the persons life. Some find blogging as a way to express anger like i said just now. Curse people you hate. Telling the whole world how much you want that person to die?Would you consider that person to be an attention seeker? Up to you. People have different thoughts. Different mindsets. Different cultures. One can always simply presume something, but ever for it to be true is unsure. For me, i perceive this blog, MY blog to be a kinda like a less personal diary. It's a diary..not a little black book diary, but a diary diary. I'm not really sure how that seems to be of any difference, but atleast i understand what i mean by it. My electronic diary isn't too personal..i don't share EVERYTHING that goes on in my life. I'm pretty secretive you know. :) Even so, i do feel like i'm seeking attention with my posts, cuz if i wasn't, i really wouldn't be doing this. Though the main reason i do this is cuz i just wan't to say what i cannot say in person..face to face. The only place where i can vent out my anger without directly hurting anyone. Google is a wonder. A miracle. There goes the saying 'Information at the tips of your fingers'. True. Everyone knows it. Just type anything and Google will get you straight to it. Good or bad. Which shows how great and yet dangerous the internet can be. Which brings us to the next topic. Cyber Bullying.

Amanda Todd before her suicide

I had an extra curricular class this morning discussing about the IT world..from the benefits to the dangers to the etiquette and all that revolved around the word I.T. My lecturer started to talk about cyber bullying, which lead to so many youths depression and even suicide attempts. I was drawn to the recent case of Amanda Todd (may her soul rest in peace), a 15 year old girl who committed suicide due to peer pressure and bullying. Started out by flashing her boobs to an idiotic pedophile (32 year old anonymous asshole, i'm guessing he's white). He threatened to show the whole world the picture of her boobs if he didn't put on another show for him. Freaked out, she didn't comply and the next thing you know, her pictures were all over the internet. People hated her, cursed her, bullied her to the max. She became so depressed from loneliness that she stared taking drugs and alcohol. She even tried to kill herself twice. I think its the 2nd or 3rd time that she actually succeeded. The point is, why did the bullying occur in the first place? She didn't harm anyone. It's normal for a teen to do stupid things during that stage of life (she was 12 when she flashed). This continued on for a few years, making her change schools for at least 3 times and still constantly being bullied. People wished for her to die..which was so sad. I just could never understand how people can be so mean!! I mean really2 evil. Just think about what her parents feel when they read comments about their dead daughter going like 'I'm so happy she's dead'. Can you imagine how heartbreaking that is? Could you ever put yourself in other's shoes? Could you ever wonder what it would feel like to be that person? How it would feel like if YOU were bullied so badly that you just want to die? The way i see it, Amanda Todd never did anything wrong to anybody. She was a lonely girl who needed someone to help her..someone to be there for her (explains why she hooked up with an idiot). This goes to every other suicidal case of cyber bullying out there. Instead of fucking them over, why can't you do some good and help them? I don't know how bullying a person to death can amuse a person. Aren't these people aware that they have KILLED a girl? That they were responsible for her death and the death of so many others? This comes to show how shallow minded people are these days. How they get a kick from killing others directly and indirectly. Humans are by far the most vicious, meanest creatures to have ever set foot on earth. I'm sad with the world. I'm sad with all the news that i hear. I'm sad of everything that ever goes on..cuz everything you see, hear and speak is about the negatives happening all around the world. Nothing is pleasant anymore. It's sickening! Maybe the world should really end. And i hope it'll be faster than anyone would ever imagine.

This video is about the teen Amanda Todd and how she was bullied to death. She tells everything that happened using flash cards. Sad girl. 

Things Will Never Be The Same Again

And here goes yet another entry of sadness and misery. I've never felt so bummed before. I never knew that such drastic change could happen to the one i love. or loved. i don't know. I'm confused. Furious. Beaten-down and depressed. I don't know what happened. Or i know what happened but don't want to believe it. I believe that i just lost the one person i love...d. A sudden splash of cold water shook him out of his daydream i guess. And now he's back to reality. The reality which i don't want to believe. The reality which will drive us apart. They say change is good if it's for the better. But sometimes changing for the better means taking in the worst. The worst part of a good relationship. The part where you don't get to see your loved one..where you can't touch or embrace him. The part which frustrates you because you can't do anything without being to paranoid after knowing that change has taken place. The part where you know that the relationship will have larger cracks enough to bring your whole world apart. The part where you know that separation is bound to happen. I can never look at you without feeling ashamed. I can never be 'normal' because i know nothing is normal now. I can never love you like i loved you before. The title says it all i guess. Thing's will never be the same again.

when you go, will you have the guts to say hey i don't love you like i loved you yesterday. :'(

Isn't it ironic?

06 March 2012, 10.40pm was the exact time and date i eventually and ironically broke up with my now ex bf. Judging the fact that i had just posted (previously) my confessions of love towards him. Truth is, i don't know whether i made the right choice or not. I don't know whether i can live without him and i certainly don't know if i can ever see him with someone else. But sometimes, we gotta let go of the person you love to make room for another one. I just don't think that i'll ever get over this break-up. I can't be his friend.And i don't wanna be his enemy either. I know i have to forget.But i can't forget no matter how hard i try. Sure, a few friends can get you off the hook and you'll have other things to think about. But..what happens when that ends?What happens when your friends are gone?Your'e prone to come back thinking about that person you love and left. And i hate it when that happens cause i tend to hurt myself so bad that at times i just give up completely. I wish this didn't happen. I wish there was still hope for us. But that's all too little too late now. My feelings towards him wont ever change even though i was hurt like a million times. Incredible what love does to you huh? Sooner or later i will forget him. I will come out of my shell and see the bright blue sky again. I will open up to possible love. I will be happy again. Maybe. Just Maybe.That has to wait for a moment though as close up any open doors and patch up my wounds. I can never love anyone they way i loved you. And i hope you know that.

And i can find no other song more suitable than Bruno Mars's It Will Rain to express how i feel.

I love you and always will do.

i love u fareq :)

This is the first time i ever posted anything about my boyfriend. I've been with him since i was 14. That was like 7 years ago okay. Yeah we broke up a couple of times.we've hit the rocks all too many times, but we're still together. And what does that mean??Well, it means that i love him. He may not be perfect, but he knows how to treat me. And i love him dearly for that. I never expected our relationship to last this long. I thought i'd be dating other guys by the time i was 16. Clearly that didn't happen. Somehow i find myself stuck to him. I can never forget him even though i try.
I've tried dating other guys before..but none of them were like him..none of the could make me smile the way he does. I appreciate that he loves me for who i really am. Even though i know i could be a bitch at most times. And no matter how mean i am to him, he still loves me. I may not be good at showing my feelings and appreciation to people..but i do have them. I'm not good at showing any sort of emotions but that doesn't mean i don't have any feelings. I appreciate him in my own way. I love him in my own way. I don't know if he knows that..hehe.
Bottom line is, i'm dedicating this whole post especially for him to show how much i appreciate him. Thank you sayang for staying with me all these years. Thank you for loving me for who i am and thank you for everything that you have given me. I love you.